1 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:06,511 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,510 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,560 But you don't ask questions 4 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,076 5 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,871 6 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:25,874 And the tides of the sea 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,874 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,271 9 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,639 (DEL): Michael... Mike. 10 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,918 - What is it now? ~ (DEL): Here... 11 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:54,474 This is your lucky night. How's that for a portable computer? Look at that! 12 00:00:54,640 --> 00:01:00,318 It's got 64K, UHF output, it's got a megabyte disk drive. 13 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,031 It's got ROM, RAM, it's got them red and green lights, everything. 14 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,033 — What do I want with a computer? — What does he want with a computer? 15 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,079 — Everyone's got a computer these — Have you got one? oe 16 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,551 — Have I got one?! — He's got 25. 17 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:20,875 I have... Thank you, Rodney, thank you very much! Listen! 18 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:27,958 This particular model normally retails at 399 pounds of the realm. 19 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,239 I'm giving it to you for 150, and I'm gonna throw in a free joystick. 20 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,950 This thing, it processes all your data. 21 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,953 — What exactly does that mean? — What does that mean?! 22 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,589 What do you mean... Are you dim? It's... 23 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,195 Tell him what it means, Rodney. 24 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,751 He did a course in this and came top of the class. Tell him! 25 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,992 It's... 26 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,471 In layman's terms, right... 27 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,278 You can record all your business deals on it. 28 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,954 } I spend half my life trying to hide my business deals. 29 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,795 The last thing I need is to record them on a floppy bloody disk! 30 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,236 I'm not interested. Why don't you ask Trigger? 31 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:14,396 Trigger? With a computer? Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches. 32 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,437 No, Del 33 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,951 Try that, Albert. 34 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,831 Last time I tasted something like that was in Egypt. 35 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,595 — Was it the local brew? - No, I fell in the Nile. 36 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,670 Mike, I ordered beer: 37 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:38,630 Don't be funny with me, Trig. I'll tell you this much: I've had certificates for my beer. 38 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,758 I've had a few days off work with it an" all 39 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:46,111 Blimey! I don't know... These bloody computers! 40 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,511 - I bought thirty of them and only sold five. — That's not too bad. 41 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,957 Not too bad?! I've had them a year and a half. 42 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,000 Our sales campaign suffered badly when a local officer of fair trading 43 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,356 announced to the press that they don't work. 44 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,639 They do work, Rodney! They just need a bit of fiddling about with. 45 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,236 — They don't work properly. — Do you know about this sort of thing, Dave? 46 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:13,351 Yes, I do. Recently I took a computer course at the adult education centre. 47 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,272 — And failed. - I did not fail 48 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,752 — You passed? - I didn't strictly pass either. 49 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,959 The man in charge said, not in so many words, that I should concentrate more 50 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,317 on the theoretical side rather than the actual keyboard area. 51 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,553 What he actually said was, "Keep your bloody hands off my machine!" 52 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:36,556 Thank you for being so encouraging. If I pass the course and get my diploma, 53 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,509 I might be able to get a real job as a real company employee, 54 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,911 instead of hanging around with the deadly duo, you and that suitcase. 55 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,550 bo you know viet he hal what he had me doing today? 56 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,839 This is an infra—red massager that cures rheumatics and all of that. 57 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,198 He's had me hobbling through the market like I've got bad lumbago, right? 58 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,274 Then "Healing—Hands" Trotter spots me and cures me 59 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,431 in front of all the punters! 60 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,035 He used to be a cowboy. Now he's a medicine man. 61 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,711 Shut up, you tart! You're just narked "cause you had a hole in your vest. 62 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,759 Anyway, I can't hang about here. 63 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,197 Do you remember that chop suey house we decorated by the station? 64 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,990 It's gone bust and they're auctioning all their gear tonight. I'll sniff around. 65 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,559 — See you later. — All right. 66 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,553 ~ My God! — Mr Trotter! 67 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,759 Mr Jahan, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you in? 68 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,356 That computer you sold me last month is still not working. 69 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,676 There must be some simple explanation. Let's sit down and discuss it over a drink. 70 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:44,629 — What can I get you? — Something non—alcoholic. 71 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,314 Non—alcoholic. Michael, a pint of your best bitter, please. 72 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,638 I have a business to run, Mr Trotter. 73 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,397 I bought the computer at your suggestion to streamline my business. 74 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,837 So far your computer has managed to destroy my accounts, 75 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,197 my stock records, and set fire to my curtains. 76 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,159 You must be pressing the wrong button, Mr Jahan. 77 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,233 We are talking outer—limit hi—tech here. 78 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,199 That computer was used in the American space shuttle. 79 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,038 But it blew up! 80 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,793 I don't mean it was the same computer. 81 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,951 Although that would explain why it isn't working too well 82 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,714 Just trust me. Give it a bit of time. 83 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,589 I guarantee you — in a few days' time, you'll wonder how you ever managed without it. 84 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,600 I'll give it one week then I'll be back to see you. 85 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,037 That's the spirit, Mr Jahan! You know it makes sense. 86 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,635 Thank you, Michael. I'll see you later. 87 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,919 Anyway, I thought that fella working for you was a bit of a computer boffin. 88 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,710 Oh, he has resigned. Said the work did not agree with him. 89 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,111 Half of them, they don't know they're bom these days, do they? 90 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,990 I placed ads in the local paper and at the job centre but all to no avail 91 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,437 It's not a difficult job, and I pay good wages. 92 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:08,599 Yeah, that's gonna be difficult for you. You're looking for a young man 93 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,151 — with drive and enthusiasm. - No, not really. 94 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,960 A couple of GCEs wouldn't go amiss, would they? 95 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:20,718 There's no necessity for all this. I'm looking for someone who can walk. 96 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,599 That's what I mean, you're talking top—notch! 97 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,878 Most people with that calibre have gone off with the brain drain. 98 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,953 No, it's gonna be a difficult one. Now, Mr Jahan... 99 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,034 Wait a minute. Pot—pourri, pot—pourri! 100 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,875 Of course! This must be your lucky night, Mr Jahan. 101 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,509 I may have the very person you're looking for. 102 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,513 ~ Really? who? — Only my younger brother. 103 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:48,151 He's enthusiastic and he's got GCEs in maths and art. 104 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,633 Since he came back from Cambridge, he's been dealing in the commodities market. 105 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,759 All the head—hunters have been after him, from the Bank of England down to ICI. 106 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,070 But he fancies something a bit more local 107 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,517 — Can he walk? - Yeah, he dashes about all over the place. 108 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,876 - Can he discuss it with me? - No, I will 109 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,553 — How much are you offering? — A hundred. 110 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,031 Del's got something going over there. 111 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,272 That means somebody's gonna suffer. 112 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:20,678 Talking of suffering, my niece is getting married next Saturday. 113 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,151 You remember little Lisa, don't you? She came up last year. 114 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,029 She was the one who arranged for Del Boy to have a go on a hang—glider. 115 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,431 Oh, yeah! 116 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,796 I liked her. 117 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,879 She's invited you all to Hampshire for the wedding. 118 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,509 That's very nice of her. You tell her I'll be delighted. 119 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,796 You two are coming. Del has accepted for you. 120 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:46,112 He's accep... He's something else, isn't he? 121 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,430 I thought Lisa was getting married last year. 122 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,992 Yes, she was. And then she found out that... 123 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,638 ..she wasn't. 124 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,600 What? 125 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,355 Got a pencil and a bit of paper, Mike? 126 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,233 Yeah... Now she's found out she is again. 127 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,836 It should be good, though. A day by the coast and a nice drink afterwards. 128 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,833 Talking of drinks, I'll get these in. 129 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,071 Rodney, this must be your lucky night. 130 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,153 - I've only been and got you a job. - I don't want it. 131 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,836 } What do you mean?! You just said you'd like to get a job. 132 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,152 Not from him. I've had some of his little jobs in the past. 133 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,119 I'm here to tell you he's no Brook Street Bureau. 134 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,430 That's charming, ain't it? That is charming! 135 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,117 That is all the thanks I get after all the work and effort I've done! 136 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,114 well... Anyway, it wasn't just a job, it was a career move. 137 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:54,069 - I haven't got a career. — But you'd have had one and had it moving. 138 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,517 And we'd have had some wages coming into the flat. We're boracic at the moment. 139 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:02,914 Yeah, some of your novel money-saving devices are in evidence again. 140 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,754 — What's this job, then? - You're not interested, 141 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,639 s0 it's purely epidemic, ain't it? 142 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,636 What sort of job was it, Del? 143 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:16,839 He would have been a trainee computer programmer... 144 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,673 eventually. 145 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,196 And it was mentioned that the successful candidate would, 146 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,399 with endeavour, attain executive status. 147 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,958 well, I thought it was gonna be humping boxes around, stuff like that. 148 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,829 I didn't know I was gonna be a trainee executive. 149 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:41,473 He mentioned your cv. How about that? A nice little Citrogn, 150 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,871 I think he might have been referring to my curriculum vitae. 151 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,351 That's no problem. There's no heavy lifting involved. 152 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,751 well, he'd have to start at the bottom, though. 153 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,957 Yeah, of course. Doing what? 154 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:02,671 It's sort of delivering, yeah, basically. Just to start with. 155 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,912 And it's 90 quid cash in hand; no tax, no nonsense. 156 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,277 If I'm working cash in hand, I'm not a real employee. 157 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:13,320 You will be, "cause that's only temporary! What do you say? 158 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,630 Where would I be working? 159 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,389 You know that big new office block down in Wilmot Road, 160 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,676 with the smoked glass and the lairy cars? 161 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,036 Where the young birds come out of at lunch—time? 162 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,079 - That's the one. - Yeah, I know it. 163 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,709 well, right opposite it is an alley. 164 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,711 — An alley? - Yes. 165 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,838 Between the undertaker's and the Light of Nepal restaurant. 166 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,153 So you go down that alley and you find a yard. Pop your head in there on Monday, 167 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:45,279 and ask for a Mr Jahan. He will give you your duties and uniform. 168 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,796 Good Lord! Is that the time? I'm going to the Chinky's. See you later. 169 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,590 (DEL): Hey, Mike, thanks for the drinks. 170 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,355 Why would a trainee computer programmer need a uniform? 171 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,511 Don't know. 172 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,954 I don't know what you're laughing at. Don't you see what this means? 173 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,431 You've just been promoted to the geezer in the market with the bad back. 174 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,472 — Congratulations, Lisa. - Thanks. 175 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,679 And to you, Andrew. My very best wishes for many years of happiness. 176 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:33,109 Who knows, in a year or two, we could be back celebrating the christening of your first—born. 177 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,955 Actually, my mother wants to have a word with you about that. 178 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,997 Oh... I see. 179 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,037 Excuse me. Vicar! 180 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,716 - Vid - Mr Trotter, how nice! 181 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,909 — Thank you once again for your lift. — Bain—marie, it was the least that I can do. 182 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,596 Sorry it was a bit bumpy, but we didn't have far to go. 183 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:02,789 That reminds me, the computer I told you about, I left it for you in your vestry. 184 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,793 - You left it in my vestry?! - It's all right. 185 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,236 I had to get you in the back of the van, right? 186 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,518 Listen... just in case the old bishop asks, 187 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,958 it normally retails at 309 but you can have it at 150. 188 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,919 — And a pony off for cash. — Pony? 189 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:26,077 All right, then, 30 quid. Can't say fairer than that. 190 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:31,872 I'll let you have it on two weeks' approval. If I can't trust you, who can I trust? 191 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:36,034 I mean, ask and it shall be given, that is my motto. 192 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:41,195 Would I... Excuse me. Darling, you're one of the bridesmaids, aren't you? 193 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,957 - Thanks, Rodney. — What are you doing here on your own? 194 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:54,956 I was just reminiscing. This used to be my old stamping ground. 195 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,634 Portsmouth is just a couple of miles up the road. 196 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,709 — Bet you had some laughs round here. - Not half! 197 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:07,113 The warming used to go out: "Lock up your daughters, Trotter's back". 198 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,436 Congratulations, darling. You remember Mike, don't you? 199 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,319 He's the water—diviner from the Nag's Head. 200 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,030 Of course I do. Hello, Mike. It's lovely to see you again. 201 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,511 — This is Andy, my husband. — Congratulations, son. 202 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:27,151 You'll never regret what you did today. I should know, I've been married 18 years. 203 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,197 Thanks a lot. Is your wife here? 204 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,239 No, we broke up back in 73. 205 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,197 Finally, the skipper said, "I know... 206 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,910 "We'll try to hide in one of the fiords..." 207 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,596 I think I may have heard this story before. 208 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,196 — Did you sink? - Yeah. 209 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,759 I've heard it. 210 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,790 — why do you bother to listen to him? - I don't know. 211 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,474 A moment of weakness, I suppose. 212 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:06,079 - It's all a bit up—market here, ain't it, Del? — I was surprised to see you here. 213 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,792 I am at home in any walk of life. How are you, sweetheart? 214 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,475 I don't believe it! Would you behave yourselves! 215 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,190 We're only a hyphen or two away from a society wedding, 216 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,432 and you're behaving like you're on a charabanc trip to the lights. 217 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,672 Shut up, you snobby git! 218 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:32,634 I'm merely trying to conduct myself with a little decorum. 219 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,317 Oh, dear. I assume this bundle's from you. 220 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,240 That is our present, yes. 221 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,518 Good God, it looks as though the bomb squad has had a go at it. 222 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,798 What have you bought the unlucky couple? 223 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,600 A piece dinner service. 224 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,677 We bought them a dinner service as well 225 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:59,119 I shouldn't worry, Marlene. There'll be no comparison. 226 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:05,231 We got ours from Royal Doulton. They've probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly. 227 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,672 He's good, ain't he? He's got more front than Southend. 228 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,432 But it is a lovely dinner service, Del 229 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,876 It's got a hand-painted pattern 230 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:22,079 depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside. 231 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:26,234 He's probably given them that old crockery he bought at the Chinese auction. 232 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,109 How dare you? What sort of bloke do you think I am? 233 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,400 I wouldn't put it past you. 234 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,678 Come along, Marlene, shall we circulate? 235 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:42,196 Bloody hell, Boycie, we've already been around more times than a break—dancer. 236 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,274 Del, did our dinner service come from the bankrupt Chinky's? 237 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,990 No, it did not, I swear on my life. 238 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,592 Those plates had an awful lot of pandas and pagodas on them. 239 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,070 It did come from the Chinese take—away. 240 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,675 We've been really strapped for money recently. 241 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,632 Anyway, I thought they looked like rather nice pagodas, myself. 242 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,509 No, they ain't. They look more like a prisoner—of—war camp. 243 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,830 How's it gonna make us look? 244 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,958 Boycie and Marlene's service depicts the changing seasons. 245 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,158 Ours contains scenes from Tenko. 246 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:21,558 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 247 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,435 Hang about a minute. Here, hold this. 248 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,718 It's all right... 249 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,830 Oh, dear... 250 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:48,039 He who dares wins. Cheers. 251 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,592 (DISCO MUSIC) 252 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:04,760 — Aunt Reen, do you want a drink? - I'll have a port and lemon. 253 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,877 Better make it a small one, 254 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:11,750 "cause I've had orders from Lisa not to get Oliver Twist in front of his family. 255 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:17,120 I don't know who she thinks they are. Big hats and no drawers, most of 'em. 256 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,759 Here's a face from the past. 257 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,719 Albert Trotter? I don't believe it. 258 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,951 Hello, Reeny girl, how are you going? 259 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,750 - I thought you went down with the Lusitania. — Fiver says he did. 260 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:35,316 They tried but they couldn't get me. How long have you been living out this way? 261 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:40,759 I moved from Peckham in 1965. I couldn't stand that estate any longer. 262 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:45,596 It's nice and peaceful out here, and I don't have to save up to get to the seaside. 263 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:51,438 - You must be retired now. - I'm living with the family, joannie's kids. 264 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,915 — Del Boy's not here, is he? - He's in there having a dance. 265 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,549 He'll be out soon — he ain't had a drink for four minutes! 266 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,073 — Little Rodney's here as well — Oh, no! 267 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:07,837 Rodney's here? Oh, the little love! 268 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,594 That's him there. 269 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:15,880 The last time I saw you, you were in your pram. 270 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,951 Who the bloody hell is this woman? 271 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,873 I'm Rodney. 272 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:30,035 You're little Rodney? Oh, ain't you got big! 273 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,351 You don't remember me, do you, darling? 274 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,638 - No. — This is Trigger's Aunt Reeny. 275 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,996 She used to be your mum's best friend. 276 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:44,599 Oh, yeah, me and Joannie, the terrible twins. 277 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,270 Do you remember when your mum had that cleaning job down at the town hall? 278 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,874 No. 279 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,034 I used to look after you while she was at work, 280 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,158 bath you and everything. 281 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,670 Remember when I took you shopping that day in Woolworth's? 282 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,274 No. 283 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,796 As I was pushing you around, you were picking things off the counter 284 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,669 and I didn't know. But when I got you home and took you out of the pram, 285 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:17,960 I found three bottles of scent, a packet of Weights and a Helen Shapiro record. 286 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,839 So, next day I took you up Selfridges. 287 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,872 I reckon the rumours were right. Joannie was never one hundred per cent sure, 288 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,156 but you can see the likeness, can't you? 289 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:41,159 Do you fancy a dance? I can still cut a rug with the best of 'em. 290 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,755 Keep your hands to yourself, though. 291 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,309 See you later, love. 292 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,191 — What was all that about? — God knows. 293 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,955 I remember her from years ago. She's never been the full ten bob. 294 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,475 Oi, that's my auntie you're talking about. 295 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,951 It must be a family trait, then. 296 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,070 (DISCO MUSIC) 297 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,954 Albert, don't go in there. 298 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,111 Marlene's pulling all the blokes" shirt—tails out. 299 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:24,910 No...! Aunt Reeny...? It ain't Reeny Turpin? 300 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,555 — Remember me, do you? — Remember you? 301 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,554 Remember you? I'm still having nightmares about you. 302 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,873 — How are you, sweetheart? Keeping well? — Smashing, Del 303 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:43,079 - You're looking very prosperous. - Well, you know... 304 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:49,475 — Life's been pretty good to us, ain't it? - Yeah, non-stop Mardi Gras. 305 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:54,953 You look really great. Let's sit down. I'm cream crackered after that dance. 306 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,271 She used to be a right little raver in her younger days. 307 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,399 They reckon that, during the war, she had more Yanks than Eisenhower. 308 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:12,917 I heard that the Normandy landings started from her scullery. 309 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:19,194 - Who are you talking about? — Trigger's auntie. 310 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,914 When was the last time I saw you? 311 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:34,109 I moved from Peckham in 1965, so that's nearly 23 years. 312 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,636 ~ God! - You promised to come and see me. 313 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,235 Yeah, well.. 314 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:44,633 I've been tied up with business and whatever. 315 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,314 He seems a nice kid, young Rodney. 316 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:52,395 Yeah. Do you know, he's got a diamond where other blokes have a heart? 317 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,313 He's a clever kid — he's got GCE, everything. 318 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,313 Well, he's had you behind him to guide him, Del 319 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,393 He wouldn't be in this position today if it hadn't been for you. 320 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:07,151 I tried to do my best for him. Kept my promise to Mum. 321 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,393 She'd have been so proud of you two boys. 322 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,117 I reckon that's why I moved down here. 323 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,079 The old place changed when your mum went. 324 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,754 I lost the best friend I ever had. 325 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,109 She was a lovely lady, wasn't she? 326 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:33,559 If things had worked out a bit better, you and Rodney could have been millionaires. 327 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,711 Yeah! 328 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,110 I remember visiting her in the hospital 329 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:43,514 and her saying to me, "If only I knew where he'd hidden it, 330 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,910 "my boys would be set for life". 331 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,230 ~ Hidden what? - The gold. 332 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,550 Gold...? What gold? 333 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,633 — His gold. - His, he? who's he? 334 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,759 — Freddy the Frog. — Who's Freddy the Frog? 335 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,911 - Your mum never told you? - No. 336 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:14,273 Oh, me and my mouth. Forget I said anything, Del 337 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:19,276 Forget it? How can I forget it? Come on, you've got to tell me now. 338 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,954 Come on, otherwise I'll find out somewhere else. 339 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,795 It all happened a long time ago. 340 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,715 She met him in about 1959. 341 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:35,397 — Met who? ~ Freddy Robdal 342 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:40,316 ~ who's Freddy Robdal? — That was Freddy the Frog's real name. 343 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,076 He was a villain from Rotherhythe. 344 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:51,317 Not a nasty one — no guns or violence. He was a gentleman thief. 345 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:57,829 He was a bit of a dandy. He loved French wine and paintings and what have you. 346 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,834 He had a little holiday chalet down this way. 347 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,197 They reckon when the police broke in, 348 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:10,434 the walls was covered in Monets and other originals. 349 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,592 — What has this got to do with my mum? - well. 350 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,593 She sort of befriended him. 351 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:25,438 Yes, she was a very friendly lady. I mean, she'd help anyone out. 352 00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:31,833 Yes... she used to help Freddy the Frog. 353 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:38,871 Anyway... one day in August 1963, 354 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,271 Freddy and a little gang 355 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,559 broke into the vaults of a bank up in the City. 356 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:53,794 They got away with over a quarter of a million pounds in gold bullion. 357 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:03,151 The rest of the gang got caught, but Freddy and the gold got away. 358 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,950 Well, a short time afterwards, 359 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:10,590 Freddy, while still on the run, 360 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,593 was tragically killed in a freak accident. 361 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:21,512 And when they opened his will, he'd left everything he owned to your mum. 362 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:26,038 You mean the Monets and all the originals? 363 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:30,797 No, they had to be returned to the original owners. 364 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,271 The same went for the gold. Except, of course... 365 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,673 that nobody knew where Freddy had hidden it. 366 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,470 Then your mum left all her worldly possessions to you, 367 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,870 including the lost gold. 368 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:54,834 So, if that gold was worth a quarter of a million in 1963, 369 00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:00,234 it must be worth... a million now, or maybe two. 370 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,677 - And it's mine. - Yours and Rodney's. 371 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,719 It's the same thing. 372 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,794 - I'm a millionaire. - I know. 373 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,793 Bloody shame no one knows where it's hidden. 374 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,153 Yeah, it is a bit of a choker, ain't it? 375 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,040 I'll get us a refill 376 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:35,631 Rodney, I know you may find this hard to believe, 377 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,873 and it may even come as a bit of a shock to you... 378 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,039 We are millionaires. 379 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:50,720 Good, perhaps we can take that magnet off the electricity meter. 380 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:57,479 (DEL TRYING TO SELL MASSAGERS TO THE CROWD) 381 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,671 Listen to me. Remember in the past when you had trouble with your Cilla? 382 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:07,391 The old Cilla Black? what did you do? You used to stagger down to the quacks. 383 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:11,713 And you'd pay £2.50 for a prescription, and go to the chemist, 384 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:16,158 and he'd give you a three—bob tube of Algipan. Thank goodness those days are over. 385 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,517 They're over thanks to this revolutionary new device, 386 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,310 the Inframax deep penetration massager. 387 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:29,797 You two girls, you're miles off. I'm warning you! 388 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:35,831 This is an osteopedic device which emits infrared rays 389 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,391 that penetrate deep into the muscles, soothing the pain away, 390 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,995 giving you permanent and instant relief. 391 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:46,154 Seriously, listen to me, how much would you expect to pay 392 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:50,359 if you went on Harley Street? How much do you expect to pay for that? Don't touch it! 393 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:54,434 You'd expect to pay 70 to 80 pounds for one of these. Absolutely straight. 394 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:59,037 But thanks to free enterprise and a mate of mine who does some smuggling... 395 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,789 .I can let you have one of these for a mere 15 pounds. 396 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:08,750 What do you mean? I'll let you have this for what I paid for it, % pounds. 397 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,595 Come on, it's ¥... snatch it off me! 398 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,913 You won't get... Would you move on, sir? I'm trying to do some business here. 399 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,434 — Sure. — All right! 400 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,309 Listen, I don't care whether you've got earache, neckache, backache, 401 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,630 or even any other sort of ache. 402 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,712 - This little device will cure it. - Try it on him, then. 403 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,190 ~ Do what? - Try it on the old fellow. 404 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:36,196 No, I don't want to do my batteries up. 405 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:39,160 Anyway, that's probably not backache. That's body language. 406 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,595 1 think he's trying to tell you something. 407 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,593 No, it's rheumatics, son. I've suffered with it for years. 408 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,913 — Try your massager on him. — (CROWD): Yeah. 409 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:55,430 Allright... All right, I will 410 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,433 That soppy little thing won't do me no good. 411 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,992 My back has been under experts. Confounded the medical world, my back has. 412 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,516 well, let me try. It can't do any harm. 413 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,399 Give me a try, come on, slip your coat off. 414 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,632 That's it... I see you're a naval war hero, sir. 415 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,316 40 years before the mast fighting for King and Country. 416 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,393 I don't believe it! Groan, old git! 417 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,029 — Groan, groan! — God, my back! 418 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,511 That's it. Remember, no sudden movements. 419 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:32,073 Not until I've applied the healing rays of the Inframax deep penetration massager. 420 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,835 Here we go! Here it is. Can you feel that, sir? 421 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:42,190 Do you feel the relaxing warmth soothing the pain and tension away in the lumbar region? 422 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:47,799 Yeah, it's very therapeutic. I've never had this done to me before. 423 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,520 Coming from an old sailor, that is saying something, ain't it? 424 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,910 This is lovely. My back feels better already. 425 00:29:56,080 --> 00:30:00,472 - There you are. — Look, I can stand straight. 426 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,758 I haven't been able to stand up for years. 427 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:20,037 I don't believe him! What is he doing to me? 428 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,635 — He's just a stooge. — He's part of the act. 429 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,077 No, he ain't... No! 430 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,119 — We've never met before, have we? — No, Del. We haven't. 431 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,073 Come here! 432 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,436 You told me to get better in front of the crowd. 433 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,434 I know. I didn't ask you to do the third act from Singing in the Rain! 434 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,714 You came round the corner looking like Old Father Time. 435 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:52,111 One rub of my massager and you turned into Wayne Sleep. 436 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:56,714 I'm not used to all this market spieling. Why not get Rodney to do it? 437 00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:02,398 Because he starts his new job today. He can't be in two places at the same time. 438 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,154 Clear all this lot up, will you? 439 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:09,393 It ain't bloody fair. I fought a war for the younger generation. 440 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:10,994 Yeah? what side were you on? 441 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,792 Del Boy, Albert. } = Trig. 442 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,351 — Good wedding, wasn't it? - Yeah, it was mustard. 443 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,832 Lisa and Andy were double pleased with that dinner service. It must have cost a fortune. 444 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,436 That's all right, Trig. Anything for the young couple. 445 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,753 - Here comes money. — Did you see his crappy present? 446 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,669 No, I didn't catch that, no. 447 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:41,791 A load of cheap old plates, the kind you get in a bad Chinese restaurant. 448 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:46,955 That's typical of him, ain't it? That's why he's so rich, from being so tight. 449 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,511 Yeah, he is tight. 450 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,320 He's the sort of bloke that buys a tin of baked beans on Tuesday 451 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,040 50 he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday. 452 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,989 — Good morning, gentlemen - Boyde. 453 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,676 Another fine day in Gotham City? 454 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,720 well, Trigger, the wedding seemed to go off well, all things considered. 455 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,473 Yeah, it was all right. 456 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:17,316 Did Lisa and what's—his—name find time to look at my present? 457 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,519 Yeah, they looked at it. Not for long, though. 458 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:27,710 — What about his little gift? — They put it straight in their display cabinet. 459 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,997 Peasants! 460 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,949 Talking of the wedding, there's something I wanted to ask you two. 461 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,830 Think back to the early "60s. Do you remember Freddy the Frog? 462 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:44,198 Freddy the Frog? No, it don't ring a bell 463 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,159 I remember Torchy the Battery Boy. 464 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,516 What about Twizzle? 465 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:55,190 I don't believe you two! I just don't believe you! 466 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,000 Hang on. Hats off! 467 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,357 (BOYCIE): Your minicab's arrived, Albert. 468 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,160 Boycie! 469 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,789 Is that Dave? 470 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:13,920 Yeah. 471 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:27,756 You git! You rotten git! 472 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,878 You never told me my new job was a chief mourner. 473 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,316 Rodney, show some respect! 474 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:41,951 ~ What's he doing? - Just you wait, Del! Just you wait. 475 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,509 (DUST—CART HONKS) 476 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,715 Why are you taking us down here? It's No Entry. 477 00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:05,831 Yeah, sorry, Mr Jahan. I was talking to my brother... Sorry. 478 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:11,397 Um... Could you just back up a little bit, please? 479 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,111 Would you mind backing up a little bit, please? 480 00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:23,190 What's the trouble? (IGNITION FAILS) 481 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:29,634 I can't stand it any more. What a plonker! 482 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,872 Excuse me! 483 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,749 Yes, I'm finding this rather upsetting, too. 484 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:41,153 — Do you know the bloke in the hearse? - No, I know the bloke in the Cortina. 485 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,596 I sold it to him last week. 486 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,036 (RODNEY): You're a liar. (DEL): / swear to you, 487 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,591 (DEL): / did not know what your duties would be. Mr jahan never told me. 488 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,398 (RODNEYY: Did not know, my arse! 489 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:59,397 (RODNEY): You set me up to get money. (DEL): Yeah, every little helps, Rodney. 490 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,269 Anyway, I thought that black suit looked really good on you. 491 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:08,560 No, it didn't. I saw a reflection of myself in a window. I looked like a wand. 492 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:14,034 You told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer. 493 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,272 And are you not programming his computer? 494 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:22,071 Yes, I am programming his computer. I'm also an apprentice pallbearer, 495 00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:26,393 a fully—fledged chief mourner, and I have to go and get the sandwiches! 496 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:29,712 As long as you've got job satisfaction. That's the main thing. 497 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:34,750 Well, I've not got job satisfaction. Matter of fact, I'm thinking of resigning. 498 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,911 You'd better hurry up before he sacks you. 499 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,950 That big traffic jam was not my fault. Name one person who blamed me. 500 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,192 - Mr Jahan did. — The grieving relatives did. 501 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,271 The Flying Eye did. 502 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:53,036 It wasn't my fault the differential on the Cortina seized up. 503 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:57,034 I called for the RAC and they called for a tow—truck, but it couldn't get through. 504 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,192 - why? — Because of the big traffic jam. 505 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:04,638 — Anyway, it went off all right in the end. - Yeah, in the end. 506 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:09,920 You could have started a trend. Floodlit funerals could be all the rage. 507 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,514 (DEL LAUGHS) 508 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,799 I don't want to talk more about it. I've got more important things on my mind. 509 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,669 We're not getting back to Freddy the bleeding Frog again, are we? 510 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,195 Yes, we are! 511 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,955 There's a million quid's worth of gold out there, and it's mine... ours. 512 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,191 You are something else, you are. 513 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:32,069 A drunken old woman spins you some cock—and-bull story, and you fall for it. 514 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:37,750 Listen! Just because Reeny was a good—time girl who liked the occasional tizer, 515 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,389 that was all right, she was never a liar. 516 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,473 Anyway, I've been out to see a few faces this afternoon. 517 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,713 I've got some information: they have confirmed it, all right, about the robbery, 518 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,919 the gold bullion never being found, the lot. 519 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,356 How can you be sure it hasn't been found? 520 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,750 Over the past few years, every policeman 521 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,719 and underworld figure in the country must have been looking for that gold. 522 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,351 And what would they 523 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,798 They'd either put it through a fence, which meant it becomes public knowledge, 524 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,031 or they smelt it down themselves, right? 525 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:14,036 If they do that, that amount of gold coming onto the market causes ripples. 526 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,955 The sort of ripples that would be remembered for a long time. 527 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:22,000 — What if the police found it? - I'm talking about the police. 528 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:30,957 The chaps never found it either. I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers. 529 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,112 - You went and saw the Driscoll brothers? — What are they like? 530 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:39,753 They're smashing blokes. It's like bumping into the two Ronnies, Biggs and Kray. 531 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,800 And they never sussed out why you were asking questions? 532 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:49,558 No! You know what they're like, don't you? 533 00:37:49,720 --> 00:37:55,033 A couple of years ago, some guru reckoned the world would end within a month. 534 00:37:55,200 --> 00:38:00,115 And Danny Driscoll bet a grand that it would. 535 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,831 And he's the brains of the outfit. 536 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,914 The only trouble was, I kept on having to refer to Freddy the Frog. 537 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,233 I couldn't remember his real surname. It was Robson or something like that. 538 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,631 — Robdal. — Robdal, that's what it was. 539 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,269 I was trying to think of that all afternoon. 540 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,958 Just a minute! Did you know him? 541 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,475 Yeah, vaguely. 542 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,711 well, why didn't you say? 543 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:39,910 First time I met him, he was just a kid, 8, 19 — different age group from me. 544 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,198 And over the years I used to bump into him every so often. 545 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:47,399 Usually in one of the pubs down the docks. 546 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,837 He was a very likeable bloke, very generous. 547 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,356 He was very tall and handsome. 548 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,593 Everybody liked him, especially the women. They used to fall over themselves for him. 549 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:02,196 Yes, yes. What about the gold bullion? 550 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:06,433 — He robbed a bank in the City. — We know all that, don't we? 551 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,831 What happened after the robbery? 552 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:15,632 About a week after, Freddy and an explosives expert called Jelly Kelly 553 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:21,591 broke into a post office... in Plumstead, that's right. 554 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:27,358 And then, apparently, they'd wired the explosives, everything going well 555 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:34,756 when, nobody knew why, Freddy the Frog sat on the detonator. 556 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,116 They found him up on the roof... 557 00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,238 of a building across the road. 558 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,916 All right. What happened to the other mush, Kelly the Jelly? 559 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,517 He was holding the nitroglycerine when Freddy sat down. 560 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,598 So he didn't survive, either. 561 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,673 Well, if he did, he'd be no good in a Mexican wave. 562 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:08,996 I don't know. It's the same story wherever I go. 563 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,595 Freddy the Frog took the secret with him. 564 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,230 — Maybe he shipped the gold abroad. - No, there wouldn't have been time. 565 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,995 It was only a week between him doing the job and hitting the snooze button. 566 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,272 There's another thing that's confusing me. 567 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:28,229 If that Freddy was going out with a married woman on this estate, 568 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,518 why did he leave all his money to our mum? 569 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,551 It's a mystery, ain't it? 570 00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:41,109 I'll make some tea. 571 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,318 There's another thing. I was talking to one of them Driscoll heavies, 572 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,871 and he reckons that Freddy had a son by that woman. 573 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,554 That's just a rumour, Del. I'd take no notice. 574 00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:59,398 No. If it was true, that boy would be in his mid-twenties by now. 575 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:07,476 Still, he don't know who his dad was, so he can't make a claim on the fortune, can he? 576 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:12,113 Look at this, Rod. There you are! 577 00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:18,834 Look, we're millionaires, and we're getting threatening letters from the milkman. 578 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:23,392 This Freddy the Frog. Did he have any hobbies or pastimes? 579 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:29,829 Hobbies or pastimes? we're looking for his gold, not his bloody tennis rackets. 580 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:34,278 I just thought the more we found out about him, the more we know how his mind works. 581 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:38,354 Yeah, all right, good thinking, Rodney. 582 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,194 He was a bit of an artist, wasn't he, Albert? 583 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,678 Yeah, a good artist. 584 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,629 They reckon if he hadn't been a tea—leaf, he could have made a very good forger. 585 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:54,871 Well, that got us a lot closer. Problem solved! That's it! 586 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,998 I'L go to bed, and say good night to you two. 587 00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,390 (DEL): Good night. (RODNEY): Good night. 588 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,757 - Albert... — They're rumours, Rodney. 589 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:11,391 That's all, rumours. 590 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,029 Good night, son. 591 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:24,554 (DEL): Rodhey, don't forget you've got to be down the morgue by half nine. 592 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,711 we'll just finish this and we'll pop down the market and do a bit with the massagers. 593 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:35,113 And this time, when I've finished operating on you, no tap—dancing! 594 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,590 Straighten up slowly, like it's a miracle. 595 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,037 — Del, got it! — What's that about? 596 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,191 Don't know. Looks like "Peace in our time". 597 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,749 What is that all about? Sit down! 598 00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:50,551 This moming, Mr Jahan asked me to transfer all his old files on to computer. 599 00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:52,996 — My computer? ~ Yeah, read that. 600 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:56,596 - No, it's a summons, isn't it? - No. 601 00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:02,070 It's one of Mr Jahan's order forms from July 1963. 602 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:08,236 Look who ordered one coffin to be specially made — one Frederick Robdal. 603 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:14,510 But it was ordered five weeks before the robbery and six weeks before he blew himself up. 604 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:18,275 — Don't you see what it means? - He had a premonition. 605 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,398 You berk! 606 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:31,560 No, wait a minute. Look! This casket was ordered by Mr Frederick Robdal, 607 00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:35,475 but it was made for a Mr Alfred Broderick. 608 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:40,669 ~ who's Alfred Broderick? - No, look at the two names closely. 609 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,717 It's an anagram. 610 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:48,391 Yeah, I can see that, but who was he? 611 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,958 No...! Bloody hell! 612 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:57,193 - Look, if you transpose all the letters... — Transpose? 613 00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,751 If you mix up all the letters from Frederick Robdal, 614 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,639 it becomes Alfred Broderick. 615 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,714 In other words, Broderick never existed. He's just one of Freddy's aliases. 616 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,200 He's right an' all! 617 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:14,629 So what you're saying is that... he put... 618 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,952 — The bullion... - Into the coffin. 619 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,556 And then got the Co—op to hide it, or in this case Mr Jahan. 620 00:44:21,720 --> 00:44:26,351 That's right. It was all legal and above—board. It was probably paraded through them streets. 621 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,478 I'll bet he even got the Old Bill to hold up the traffic for it. 622 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,353 And then it was buried with all the usual honours. 623 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,672 All Freddy had to do was bide his time and then come back for it. 624 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:41,311 You two seem to be forgetting something. You're not talking about the family pet. 625 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:45,553 If what you're suggesting is right, he'd have needed permission from the authorities. 626 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:49,793 He'd have needed official documentation, and lots and lots of it. 627 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,792 So where does he get all that? 628 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,994 You always have to spoil things. 629 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:03,715 No, wait a minute! I think I've cracked it. 630 00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:07,032 Listen! Way back in the early '60s when you were just a nipper, 631 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:11,080 Mum got herself a job down at the town hall as a secretary. 632 00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:13,311 — Secretary? - Yes. 633 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,836 One of her duties was hoovering out the registrar's department. 634 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:22,152 It means she could get her hands on all the documents he needed 635 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:24,630 and mark them with the official stamp. 636 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,234 God, of course! 637 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:31,190 Rodney, what are you doing here? You're supposed to help me with embalming. 638 00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,954 Sorry, Mr Jahan, I took an early lunch. 639 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:39,798 All right, Mr Jahan. Come and sit down for a minute. I'd like to have a chat with you. 640 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,474 Rodney found this in your files. 641 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,230 - This is confidential material! - I know. It shows how keen he is. 642 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,391 He's bringing his homework to lunch with him. 643 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,871 Do you remember this man, Mr Frederick Robdal? 644 00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:58,194 Yes, I remember him very well, a most charming man. 645 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:02,957 My father had just bought the business. Mr Robdal was one of our first clients. 646 00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:09,999 Another reason it sticks out in my mind is because he ordered an extra large casket to be made. 647 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:18,400 And I expect his mate, Mr Broderick, was an extra large chap, was he? 648 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:22,793 - I don't know. We didn't handle the funeral - What? 649 00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:28,632 We simply supplied the casket. Mr Robdal came and took it in a van one night. 650 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,269 You mean it was a take—away? 651 00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:37,309 Mr Robdal told us it was to be a private affair. We didn't question his decision. 652 00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,916 We didn't want to intrude upon his grief, and we needed the business. 653 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:45,836 Wait a minute... Does that mean that you don't know where it's buried? 654 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,709 As I said, I don't know. It was a private affair. I must go now. 655 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:53,475 — How long will you be? We have a lot of work. - I'll come soon. 656 00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,719 — That's the end of that. - You'll never find it now. 657 00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:04,397 — Yes, we will — The gold has been missing for 24 years. 658 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:09,350 And the last thing anyone saw of Freddy was on a radar screen. What chance have we? 659 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,158 Listen to me! He would have buried it somewhere local 660 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:21,520 He would have stuck to an area that he knew well This is what we'll do: 661 00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:26,709 I'll go to the flower man in the market to get some tulips on sale or return, 662 00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:30,077 and you'll go and visit every graveyard and cemetery in the district, 663 00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,550 and read every name on every headstone. 664 00:47:32,720 --> 00:47:35,553 And when you leave, leave a flower as if you're one of the relatives. 665 00:47:35,720 --> 00:47:40,999 — But theres thousands of them. — All right, say you come from a big family. 666 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:47,198 I want you to do the same in your travels. It's a bit like a busman's holiday for you. 667 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:50,478 In the meantime, I'll check the records at the town hall, 668 00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:53,393 stonemasons, churches, that sort of thing. 669 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,837 Don't worry, brother, we'll find it! 670 00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:02,916 Del, I don't want to be the prophet of doom, but I feel we're wasting our time. 671 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:08,109 Time that could be spent more productively in eaming some money and paying bills. 672 00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:11,398 We owe two months' rent, we drink tea with no milk in it, 673 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:15,474 and the electricity board keeps calling to see why their meter is running backwards. 674 00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,670 There's food in the cupboard, isn't there? 675 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,639 Yeah, thanks to my pension and Rodney's wages. 676 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,440 It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to drive down to Hampshire 677 00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:26,955 and pick up that computer money off the vicar. 678 00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:31,717 Leave it out! That gold must be here hidden somewhere. 679 00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:36,909 It can't have disappeared. This is Peckham, not the Bermuda Triangle. 680 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:41,358 And as for me going all the way down to Hampshire to pick up 120 quid, 681 00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:48,313 that's like admitting defeat, a sign that I've given up hope of ever finding my birthright. 682 00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,676 That is not my style. 683 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:57,200 When Del Trotter says he's going to do something, Del Trotter does it! 684 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:04,430 You see what I mean, Mr Trotter! I've tried everything and it simply refuses to work. 685 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:10,476 — Has it received a whack of any kind? - No, I assure you! 686 00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,274 There you are, that's all it needed. 687 00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,831 Yes... Of course. I'm not technically—minded like you. 688 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,516 Some of these hi—tech advancements, they need a bit of encouragement. 689 00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,149 well, if you just give me my money, I'lL bid you farewell 690 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,518 - I'm afraid I shan't be needing the computer. - What? 691 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:33,674 As I said at the wedding, I couldn't honestly see what part a computer could play 692 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,434 in the daily running of a small parish such as this. 693 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:38,318 And my words have been borne out. 694 00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:42,474 I know, but if it had been working properly, you would have seen the benefits. 695 00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:47,350 I'm terribly sorry, and I'm grateful to you for giving me it for two weeks on approval, 696 00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,876 but I simply have no need of it. 697 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,317 Well. I can't take it back now. 698 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:58,439 - It's been used. — Of course, you told me to use it! 699 00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,433 I know, but you've taken it out of the protective wrapping. 700 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,956 And look at that, it's had a whack there, look! 701 00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,638 — But you just did that. - Yes, I know that. 702 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,395 But I'm not a technician, am I? I'm merely a salesman, that's all 703 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:17,555 What am I going to tell. my guvnor? I'm going to have to go to him and say 704 00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:21,395 that you took it out of the protective wrapping, you messed about with it, 705 00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:25,110 you let an unqualified wally repair it, and now you want to elbow it. 706 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:30,195 No, I'm sorry. Look, that machine was in perfect condition when I loaned it to you. 707 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,000 Look at it now, look. It's second-hand, isn't it? 708 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,790 — But... — All right, as you are a man of the cloth. 709 00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:40,271 And seeing that you're the one who naused it up, I'll tell you what I'm going to do: 710 00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,909 I'll let you have that for the second-hand price. 711 00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:47,472 — Give me 100 notes and we'll say no more. - I don't want the computer. 712 00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,760 But this computer is the top of the range. This is the Silver Cloud of computers. 713 00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:56,835 There are thousands of people pouring out of London into the new houses in your parish. 714 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:01,278 Your flock is increasing. You'll need one of these to keep a check on them all 715 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:07,311 I wish that were true. Unfortunately, few people seem to require the services of my church. 716 00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:13,237 It seems a pity to me that there aren't more like our mutual friend, Mr Robdal 717 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,758 - what? - I do apologise. 718 00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:22,278 I couldn't help overhearing you and Mrs Turpin discussing Mr Robdal at the wedding. 719 00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,432 - You mean you knew Freddy the Frog? - I'm sorry? 720 00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:29,070 I mean, you knew Frederick Robdal? 721 00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:32,153 Many years ago, when I came to St Mary's first. 722 00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,709 He had a holiday home a few miles from here. 723 00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,520 He used to look in if he was down this way. 724 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:41,878 A charming and very generous man. He donated the stained-glass windows. 725 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:45,829 In fact, he loved this church so much, his parents are buried here. 726 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:50,790 Well, that's nice. Did you ever meet his friend, Mr Broderick? 727 00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:52,280 — Alfred Broderick? - That's him. 728 00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:58,550 Well, yes. Not to say "meet" in the conventional sense. I had the duty of laying him to rest. 729 00:51:58,720 --> 00:52:03,430 He must have been rather a large man. It took eight of us to carry him from the hearse. 730 00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,032 Yeah, well, he was an anagram. 731 00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,432 Could you tell me where you buried it? Buried Aim... 732 00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,672 - I'd like to pay my last respects. - It'll be here in the records. 733 00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,310 He must have been very close to Mr Robdal. 734 00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,474 I've never forgotten the way that he kept patting the coffin. 735 00:52:23,240 --> 00:52:27,711 — Contained his grief behind a smile. - Yeah, we were all a bit choked. 736 00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,076 Yes, here we are. 737 00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,354 Now, about the computer... 738 00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,478 Don't worry about that. Give it to the jumble sale. It's only rubbish. 739 00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:43,195 ~ What do you put in that thing? - It's me own recipe. 740 00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:47,433 Dutch tobacco, Navy Shag, and a spoonful of rum to keep it moist. 741 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,634 Smell the salt, Rodney? 742 00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:59,113 - You put condiments in it as well? - I'm talking about the ozone in the air. 743 00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:02,113 It takes me back. 744 00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:06,592 Funny how a smell can start the mind turning. 745 00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:10,435 Not to mention the stomach. 746 00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:17,354 Rodney, I know where it's buried. 747 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,671 What? 748 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,879 - You mean here? - Here. 749 00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,757 Come on! Albert, bring that shovel. 750 00:53:37,240 --> 00:53:42,189 Del, you cannot dig up a grave in broad daylight. 751 00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:45,637 I know there's nothing actually in it except for gold bullion, 752 00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,713 but if anyone saw us doing it, they might not understand. 753 00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,753 Come over here. Over here! 754 00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,838 This is it. This is where he buried it. 755 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,674 — Where? - There. 756 00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:11,233 (RODNEYY): A burial at sea? Why? 757 00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:15,156 How did he ever hope to get the gold back? 758 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:19,439 There are one or two things that our dear uncle forgot to inform us of. 759 00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:23,639 Like he told us that he met Freddy, but he didnt say where and how. 760 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,997 I met him when he was doing his national service in the navy. 761 00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:31,552 Yes, he was a sailor! He also omitted to tell us 762 00:54:31,720 --> 00:54:34,030 how he got the nickname "Freddy the Frog". 763 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,670 We assumed it was because of his love of all things French. 764 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,638 No, it was "cause he was a frogman. 765 00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:43,031 Yes, it was because he was a frogman. 766 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:45,999 I know that now. I've just got the full S.P. off the vicar. 767 00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,117 why didnt you tell us? 768 00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,750 You know me. I never talk about my days at sea. 769 00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:57,474 We knew that Freddy had a chalet down here at the coast. 770 00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:01,349 If we'd also known he was an ex—sailor and a deep sea diver, 771 00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,160 we may have been able to put two and two together. 772 00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:06,755 Yes, and you might have saved us a fortnight 773 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,753 of creeping round every cemetery and churchyard in South London. 774 00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:15,199 If you knew it was buried at sea, why did you ask me to bring this shovel? 775 00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:17,749 So I can whack you on the bloody head with it! 776 00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,355 Take it easy! 777 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:26,037 He gives me the hump, Rodney. He gives me the right steaming hump. 778 00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:34,074 It was beautiful, it was really beautiful. 779 00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:39,792 He got all the authentic paperwork, a pukka ceremony, kosher vicar. 780 00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:44,750 He even got two off-duty policemen to help him carry the coffin to the boat. 781 00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:47,389 All he had to do was wait for the dust to settle 782 00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:51,679 and come back with the frogman gear to dive and get it. 783 00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:56,437 He must have known these waters well He'd probably been diving them for years. 784 00:55:56,600 --> 00:56:02,949 It's out there, Rodney. It's out there, our legacy! 785 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:06,829 Nothing you can do about it now, Del 786 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:13,269 I'm not leaving it there. "The sea shall not have it." 787 00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:18,355 I shall bring it to the surface. We can do it. 788 00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,119 I have faith in you, Rodney! 789 00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:25,477 How do... Me? What do you mean you've got faith in me? 790 00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,393 Listen, I can get you all the flippers and the goggles. 791 00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,517 You're the only one in the family who can swim. 792 00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:33,957 AllI ever got was a 50-yard certificate at school. 793 00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:37,829 You only need to swim 50 yards... down! 794 00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:39,991 On your bike! 795 00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:45,872 Where are you gonna start searching? You've got 500 square miles of ocean. 796 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,032 It took them 70 years to find the Titanic, 797 00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:53,194 so what chance have we got with an outsize coffin? 798 00:56:53,800 --> 00:57:00,069 We've got to do something. He who dares wins. 799 00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:04,029 There's a million quid's worth of gold out there, Rodney. 800 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:09,718 Our gold. We can't just say bongjoorto it. 801 00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:20,669 - Do I look like him? — It was just a rumour, son. 802 00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:26,358 - Do I look like him? — A bit. 803 00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:30,912 I always felt as if I was a bit different from the rest of the family. 804 00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,232 — A bit of a cuckoo. — Just a rumour. 805 00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:43,159 Freddy the Frog. Killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator. 806 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,912 What a plonker! 807 00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:07,674 Come on. Let's talk about it over a pint. 808 00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,152 (DEL): Yeah, I expect you're right, bruv. 809 00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:20,312 But in the words of General MacArthur: "I will be back soon". 810 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:27,960 I'm not leaving our birthright down there in Davey Smith's locker, no way. 811 00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:34,435 I tell you, Rodders, this time next year, we will be millionaires. 812 00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:45,075 and miles and miles of carpet tiles 813 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:48,073 814 00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:51,153 what's—their—names and at a push 815 00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,233 from a mush in Shepherds Bush 816 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:56,960 817 00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:59,953 818 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:03,112 819 00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:06,238 820 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:10,678 821 00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,958 822 00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:17,033 823 00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:19,953 824 00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:22,999 825 00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:26,472 826 00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:29,911